Is your teen stressed about exams?

Here's what might actually help ...

It's exam season (either mocks or the real things) and if you're a mum of a teenager right now, chances are you're navigating one of two things … or possibly both at once.

Your teen has gone quiet, they're not revising, their phone is glued to their hand, their friends seem more important than their future. It seems that every time you try to talk about it, you hit a wall.

Or they're working themselves into the ground. Up late, anxious, convinced they're going to fail. No amount of reassurance seems to help.

Both feel exhausting to watch and both can leave you feeling helpless; whatever you do, it seems the wrong thing.

Copywrite: Ben Mullins (Unsplash)

What's actually going on

Here's something I've noticed in my work as a clarity coach for young people in Devon and beyond: exam stress rarely looks the way we expect it to.

The teenager who seems unbothered is often more worried than they let on. Switching off is sometimes the mind's way of protecting itself from overwhelm. It's not laziness — it's a kind of self-preservation.

And the teenager who's working too hard is often chasing a feeling of safety that no amount of revision can actually provide. They might not be studying because they're confident, they might be studying because they feel scared.

Neither of them needs fixing. It would help both of them to feel that they're fundamentally okay, whichever the results turn out.

What doesn't help — even though it feels like it ‘should’

Trying to motivate them. reminding them what's at stake, comparing them to siblings, friends, or your own teenage self or Googling their symptoms at midnight doesn’t seem to help at all.

I say this gently, because every mum I work with is doing these things out of love, not carelessness. But when we try to fix our teenagers, they feel it and they close down further. Our worry is overlapping onto them.

What can help

A sense of presence over pressure, a cup of tea and no agenda, letting them know you're not disappointed …before they've even sat the exam.

And if your teenager is genuinely struggling - anxious, withdrawn, not sleeping - sometimes talking to someone outside the family can unlock things that conversations at home can't.

That's where clarity coaching for teens comes in. Not therapy, not tutoring. Just a space for a young person to feel heard and to reconnect with the fact that they are more capable than they think.

A note for mums

If you're reading this at 11pm worrying about your teenager, can I say something? You're not failing. The fact that you're this invested in how they're feeling is not a problem; it's love.

But you can't pour from an empty cup. If you'd like to talk through what's going on - for your teenager, or for you - I offer a free initial conversation. No obligation, just a chance to feel heard.