The Perfectly Imperfect Summer: A Note for Mums Who Are Already Tired Just Thinking About It

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Yippee …the summer holidays are here.

Or oh crap ..the summer holidays are here!

They last six weeks and often maybe more, there’s no school run, no structure and approximately a dozen requests for snacks before 10.00am. If you're already feeling a little overwhelmed, welcome to the group. You're in excellent company.

Here's what I want to say before we go any further: I don't think there's any such thing as the perfect summer, certainly not on Instagram, or your neighbour's garden, nor in the version you've been innocently constructing in your head since June. There is only the summer you actually have which, with a bit of grace and a few small shifts, can be genuinely lovely…even with the midst of all the chaos.

You don't have to curate it

Somewhere along the way, it might feel like summer became a performance: days out, activities, experiences, memories. A continuous reel of wholesome fun that proves you're doing it right.

Can I let you off the hook? Your children do not need a perfect itinerary; they need you reasonably relaxed and hopefully not running on empty. Some of the best summer memories are the unplanned ones; like the afternoon that turned into something unexpected, or the nothing day that somehow felt like everything.

Spinning plates is exhausting … and you don't have to spin them all

Most mums I work with are managing a remarkable number of things at once; work, children, the home, other people's feelings, plus their own feelings which feel like they’ve been left somewhere at the bottom of the pile.

Summer can certainly feel like its adding more plates to spin; like holiday cover and childcare logistics, the guilt of working when the sun is shining, the guilt of not working when the inbox is constantly filling up.

Here's a thought: which plates actually need spinning right now, and which ones could you set aside for a few weeks? Not every plate is equally important and some of them aren't even yours to carry.

Let other people help

This one feels harder than it sounds, because many of us have a complicated relationship with asking for help. It can feel like admitting we can't cope, or burdening someone, or giving up control.

But here's what I've noticed: the people around you (partners, family, friends, older children) often want to help. They're just waiting to be asked clearly; but not hinted at. People usually aren’t good at second-guessing, so asking directly feels more productive than hinting.

"Could you take the kids on Saturday morning so I can have a few hours to myself?" is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify it or apologise for it.

Self-care isn't just a spa day

The wellness industry would have you believe that self-care requires a booking or a budget, or a specific kind of candle. Self-care this summer might look like a cup of tea that you finish while it's still warm, or ten minutes in the garden with no one talking to you, or a walk on your own, an early night or saying no to something that feels it might drain you.

You are not the entertainment

Your children being bored is not your failure. Boredom can sometimes be rather good for young people … it's where they can get creative, where they learn to occupy themselves, where they discover what they actually enjoy without being directed.

You are their mum, not their holiday rep.

A gentle reminder

If you're reading this and thinking "yes but my situation is different, I genuinely don't have enough support, enough time, enough anything". Some summers are genuinely hard and some mums are doing this with very little.

If that's you, this isn't a list of things you're doing wrong. It's a reminder that you matter in this equation too; not just as the person who keeps everything running, but as a human being who needs rest, connection and the occasional moment of actual enjoyment.

You can't pour from an empty cup and a slightly imperfect summer with a mum who's looked after herself is worth infinitely more than a picture-perfect one with a mum who's running on fumes.

If any of this resonates and you'd like to talk about yourself, or about a young person in your life, I'm here. A free initial conversation costs nothing and commits you to nothing, however, we will have a lovely conversation.

Find me at realisationworks.com